Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Yea, I know I'm not the only one thinking that or feeling that right now. I've been looking for a full time teaching job and although there have been a few interviews, the prospects are not good. I was frustrated the other night, couldn't sleep, and kept thinking about not having a "REAL" job and such when Tyler Durden from "Fight Club" came into my mind saying "You are not your job, you are not your f-ing khakis." And I thought, "So what am I?"
I seem to be struggling with knowing how to move forward, wondering what the next step is or what the right thoughts are. I think I'll back to school but I don't know what I want. Because what I want, I don't seem to get right now, no matter how hard I try. So am I wanting the wrong things?
I also need to be using my creativity more. Doing art, taking art classes, just sitting on the floor making stuff. But there always seems to be an application to fill in or some copy of something to make or online junk to do (which I really hate).
I realize this isn't a very positive or completely interesting post but these things run through my mind the last couple of days. October,while beautiful and spectacular, is also a rather reflective time for me.
What are you thinking about?
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
I think I just don't want to really absorb what all has been going on. I'm dealing with the lovely stress of trying to find a job next year, while knowing that I have to be patient, that nothing really happens until August,etc. But that is hard. Especially when one wants to have just a regular old summer. I mean, I'm sort of bumming around, seeing friends, catching up on movies, getting a bike (here tomorrow, fingers-crossed) and doing the typical summer stuff.
But in the back of my mind and often in the fore-front as displayed in my recent crying fits, is the question "Will I get a chance to do the one thing I really love and am good at (teach) in a class of my own and be able to move out/on with my life or will it be another year of wandering and waiting?" (You can see that since it is such a long question, it must be a really burdensome question.)
I know that I have to be patient and remain positive. That this is a journey I must go through. That I can't understand the reasons for everything right now. But it is hard. I don't think most of my friends understand how much this really troubles me. And how much I sometimes feel like a failure.
And now, I've gone and done it...written too much and thought about the things I'm trying to push away. But the fingers click on the keyboard and I think aloud with this blog...so forgive me, few readers. Next blog post will definitely be upbeat and about MY BIKE!
Friday, July 3, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
Today I went to a meeting for two students to discuss their plans for next year. It was interesting. I was seated next to my student who won't be at this school next year and we both kinda looked at each other at one point, thinking "What the heck are WE doing here?"
I've become aware that I can speak to children or students more fluently and articulately than to adults. Or rather people who intimidate me professionally. I don't know why but I always assume that teachers with full time jobs who seem to have it together, have been teaching for years or at least knew many years ago that they wanted to be a teacher. I didn't know until maybe even last year. I mean I knew it was something I could do but I didn't realize until recently that teaching is what I want to do. Does that make sense?
I also realized my admiration and feelings for someone and that's all I can say about that. I just want to put that down in the public/anonymous blog sphere and see what the universe does with it.
I also found a bike I want. Now to figure out Craigslist!
Goodnight quiet blog sphere.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
and printmaking books
and end of the school year stuff
and the hot weather
and the new Bat for Lashes album
and my air-conditioned gym
and Earl Gray tea lattes
and new gel pens and sharpies
and watching my neighbor's cat
and sleeping really well finally
and dreaming of a bike
and and and...
Friday, May 22, 2009
We had an evacuation drill this week at my school. In order to prepare for grave disasters. The real disaster was the 8th graders. WHO WILL BE IN HIGH SCHOOL SOON. I was sickened by how ridiculous they were during the drill, how none of their teachers tried to control them, and how the stupid, yea I said it, principal just walked on by. I would have been screaming. Not because I think children should be seen and not heard. No, far from it if you know me, but rather I think that respect and responsibility should be taught to everyone regardless of your age. It was a drill, yes not a real emergency but dear god, how will they act then! And what kind of person in charge lets a whole grade level act like immature brats. I mean I was seriously embarrassed. It bothers me since I really have started to care about my Middle School students and I want the best for them. I admire who they are, I try to teach to them in a way that fits their individual needs and I'm such a good listener. But if you can't get a bunch of 13 to14 year olds to calm down for a few minutes during a drill then what kind of leader are you? I guess I'm old school in my ways sometimes. I really can't wait until school is done since I'm starting to get sick of everyone. Only 18 so more days to go!
Sunday, May 17, 2009
1. A bike, a cruiser style bike.
2. To go to the aquarium.
3. Used cd store shopping.
4. New and interesting music by Bat for Lashes or Grandaddy.
5. Printmaking books and supplies and projects.
6. Library browsing.
7. An "I heart Houston" t-shirt.
8. To visit friends in other states.
9. A summer job that allows time for other things.
10. A full time job for next year.
11. Romantic possibilities and friendship beginnings.
12. The second season of Flight of the Conchords on dvd, now!
13. Doodling with new markers.
14. A moleskin notebook.
15. Lots of laughter.
16. Warm, lazy days like this Sunday.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
1.Be humble. The moment you start thinking you are Miss Substitute of the World, a modern day Mary Poppins who can handle it all, the sarcastic Education Gods will knock you on your bum and put you in Middle School where you will feel like you just started your STUDENT TEACHING.
2. Gum has magical powers that allow it to appear in the mouths of babes without warning. It is also a terribly addicting drug to the 12-14 age group.
3. Start studying wild animals suddenly put into captivity. It will be useful during WASL week.
4. No one you teach knows who Andy Warhol is. Just get over it. Same with David Bowie.
5. Finally, Laugh. Otherwise you will cry. Trust me.
That's all for now but I'm sure as the year winds down I will have some more.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
Today is the anniversary of Dr. Seuss's birthday. Often in elementary schools today, they have a read-a-thon or various reading related activities. One year I attended a class where we made green eggs and ham. Unfortunately Sam-I-Am could not convince me!
I can say that I am not alone in my love of this amazing author's books. He was, is, and shall forever remain a magical part of childhood for many.
In other nonsense news, I started a long term sub position at a Middle school. Meaning the lovely 6th, 7th and 8th graders that I had previously loathed. I had visited these classes a couple times before and so therefore am not a total stranger. After one day, my vote is "okay with real potential." The two 6th grade classes will be a little rowdy to handle but the other 3 periods seem really cool. Plus I have made three friends so far; a boy and two girls, all 7th graders like me!
Weird connection that I just realized: I started a Reading job (I'm in the LAP or Learning Assistance Program for reading at this school) the same day as the Read Across America day. It's a sign...
Friday, February 27, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
Seriously, just when you think you've got something down, everything changes and totally knocks you down on your bum.
I often go into a classroom mentally and emotionally prepared. It used to be a sort of putting on of invisible armour but now I've found a better method. As I drive to the school, I think of having an open and calm heart. I imagine myself patient and understanding. There are two images I think of : Mary Poppins and an eagle. Mary Poppins calls herself "firm but kind" which is my teaching style. An eagle is strong, serene and majestic. This and even music helps. Jay-Z's self confident swagger and Beyonce's fierceness inspire me.
So, by the time I'm in the classroom, I'm in a really good place. Today was no exception. It was just some of the students' reactions that were different.
During the reading group portion of the day, this girl was being, for lack of a better word, a jerk. Not listening, disruptive and rude, she really was bugging me. Finally I told her I'd send her to the office which other teachers had already suggested for dealing with certain students. She seemed to stop and get back on track. But then, get this. She asks if she can stay in during recess and even eat lunch with me! I was so dumbfounded I said yes. She and two other "trouble makers" came in and played teacher. Now tomorrow, since I go back to the same place, they want to come in again and bring a few other friends.
I was thinking about it on the drive home and I guess it really always comes down to the simple fact that (quoting Oprah here) "every child wants to be heard and seen." And all humans really just want attention. Someone to notice us, listen to us, and understand us. Yet, I cannot get over how we go about getting that attention sometimes. This desire causes some strange behavior and forges some unusual bonds.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
This seems relevant right now to my life and I will write more soon.
Things are brewing, stay tuned.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Other stuff got in the way; life stuff, health stuff, family stuff, ya know?
I'm not sure how I want to continue this blog. It seems like a change is due and although, I do have some who read it, I'm not sure if the blog world would really die if I stopped. Maybe I'm just thinking I might be better at hands-on things. Or maybe I'm disappointed with my efforts. Some thinking is in order and re-organizing as well.
I'll get back to you soon...