Where do you go to my lovely?

This morning, just a few minutes ago, while checking for available substitute jobs, I realized that there are only ten more days in May. And while May has never been on my top ten list of favorite months (allergies tend to start now), I was distressed.

Where does the time go? Seriously!

I'm trying to recall everything I have done in the last twenty days, the particular sensations felt or adventures had and I can't!
I want to be aware and always enjoying the moments. And this shock at time's passing reminds me again to really be there in the present.

Maybe I need to start writing everything down, recording the mundane as well as the sublime.

This brings up the next logical question.

When will they open the HDT Museum of Unnatural History to house all my relics? Ooh, maybe there could be a whole wing devoted to May's passing?!?

I'm drunk with power.

This is a list of sentences I made some 5th graders write today since they talked too much during math. Normally they have to write each sentence 100 times but I just made them write each once and then add another sentence of their own creation.

1. Miss Thoren is a crazy old lady who makes us write sentences when we talk too much.

2. We could not prove her wrong. (I told them to "prove me wrong and not end up writing sentences").

3. We irritated her and she got revenge.

4. Even though we are in 5th grade, we cannot be quiet when a teacher asks.

5. Miss Thoren is a beautiful, smart, and excellent teacher.

6. I should buy her a present.

7. (This was their own sentence. I got things like "I should listen to Miss Thoren." Or "I'm sorry I talked so much." etc,etc.)

Yes, this was silly and yes I wasn't really that concerned with the talking. But I had threatened.
And when I threaten, I mean it. They loved it in the end...plus they ended up with an extra recess so don't feel bad for them!

Some old/new things I love right now.

1. Weezer---I love, love, love their first two albums. Plus their new single "Pork and Beans" is awesome.
"I'ma do the things I want to do, I ain't got a thing to prove to you...I ain't gonna wear the clothes you that you like, I'm fine and dandy with the me inside."

2."Franny and Zooey."---what a terrific book! I actually borrowed this from an ex-boyfriend and kept it. When I first read it I totally related to Franny (with her slight breakdown and inept boyfriend) and now I think I relate more to Zooey (sassy, in the bathtub for a long time). But the whole thing is great. Hands down, my favorite Salinger book.

3.Sharpening pencils---yes, this is weird but somehow very therapeutic. I think I spend too much time with K-3 graders, they are notoriously obsessed with sharp pencils.

4. Duffy and Estelle---Duffy is a Welsh singer who will be compared to Amy Winehouse undoubtly but who is amazing and has her own "old soul sound." I love her album. I got it just yesterday and am listening to it non-stop. Yes, it is in Starbucks but she is definitely worth checking out. Estelle is a British hip-hop/soul singer that John Legend discovered or signed or something. She is awesome and raps in a British accent. "If I wanted to be part time, I'd work at the checkout counter."

5. Maps---I have always been fascinated by maps, atlases, globes, etc. I have the pocket world atlas by my bed and have been looking up different places at night before I go to bed. (Those who know me will recall the dictionary in the bathroom at one of my apartments for looking up words while in the bathtub.) My most recent search : New Zealand, since I was watching "Flight of the Conchords."

These are the things that are filling my world right now. Along with Columbo episodes on dvd, tea, squirrely children at my sub jobs, and the smell of spring in the air.

A reminder.

I saw this sign on the way to dropping my brother off at work. On my way back home, I pulled over and took this picture. I think it's great.

Nothing cute about it.

I felt really weird on Sunday. My anxiety was out of wack, my behavior was strange and I was super tired. I hadn't been sleeping well for a few days. I was so concerned with myself that I cancelled my job for Monday and went to the doctor instead. I had "acute stress exhaustion." I was given a sleep aid and told to take the next couple days off. Plus to come back in about two weeks.

I was just glad it wasn't all in my head. I know that I am a sensitive sort and that makes for good art but too much and I start to go cuckoo.

So, once again, I'm making some changes. I only drink one of coffee a day, so I'll stick with that. I'm staying away from wine,spirits,etc. for a couple months. I'm going to do more art, writing, photography. Keep up the exercise. I'm just taking it easy.

I'm also simplifying my life. Letting go of some physical and mental clutter. I write this entry to not only make myself feel a bit better but also to let others know that is okay to slow down and breathe. That it is very easy to become overwhelmed. And nobody understands that better than me. Take care of yourselves.

Six months from today,

I will be thirty years old.

And I am so excited, I can't stand it.

I was scared to turn 20, even my golden age of 27 was nerve racking but this was all since I was uncertain as to who I am. Don't get me wrong. I'm still learning. I'll continue to grow, make mistakes, change,etc. But as I woke up this morning, looked at my alarm clock that has the date as well, I felt tremendous peace. Yes, I'm living with my parents, I have no full time secure job, I have barely any money saved, I'm single, all that other stuff that is considered "successful" or "what you should have/be doing." However, I don't care! Not one bit! I'm happy with who I am, made peace with my past, love my life and am living in the present. I have a creative, purposeful important career, a passion for art, amazing family and friends, a caring heart, and a delightful laugh. These are what matter to me. And I see the next 30 years continuing in this fashion. I'm glad to reach this monumental age.

I must say I also feel the next six months need some sort of project. As like a count down. I know that Polaroid film is on the way out so maybe I could utilize its finality with the finality of my twenties...Hmm...

Near death experiences, awakenings, and Flight of the Conchords.

This weekend I got away. A dear, best friend and I drove out towards Packwood, WA and stayed in a cabin for two nights. It snowed the first night. We ate great food, watched the Darjeeling Limited (awesome! Make an agreement to watch it!) and then nearly died.

Well, maybe it is more like we nearly got into a bad car accident.

Besides my retreat this weekend, I also had a screening interview with a school district that I am very interested in on Saturday afternoon. So O and I drove the hour and half to have my fifteen minute interview. On the way, through Morton, the snow was treacherous. I lost control of the car and we started sliding towards an RV, I couldn't move the car away but luckily we slid back towards the side of the road and didn't hit anything nor got stuck in the snow. O remembers that I was very calm and brave and said something like "It's not working." I was thinking that I can't get her killed and I can't miss the interview and all the books I've been reading say things like "Relax, breathe, and be in the moment." And in that moment, I was my true self: brave, strong and calm. We recovered control and went along our way. And I learned that not only is my true self the words above but that I don't need to always try to control everything. I can trust myself and the process and know that it will turn out okay. This may be reading a lot into the near accident but something clicked with me and I was very much awake. I've been working on being present ever since.

On a lighter less spiritual tranformationy note, I love the Flight of the Conchords. They are this amazing New Zealand duo who have a hilarious tv show and awesome music. I checked out the first season from the library, watched it all, made O watch some episodes, and now finally have ordered it online. The second season apparently comes out sometime soon but I'm also getting their album, out tomorrow. Watch the "Bowie" episode for obvious reasons but other great ones are "New Fans" or "Bret Gives Up the Dream."

Some links:

http://www.hbo.com/conchords/

http://www.conchords.co.nz/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4zV4pJ8MwM (Bowie's in Space video)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxtbJf5E9i4&feature=related (1st Bowie)

And finally as someone living at home right now, I love this one!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5SI0BByyFE&feature=related

Loving and Hating

HATING:

being sick with some sort of stomach/sinus deadly combo

the anxiety that accompanies getting ill

the depression that accompanies getting ill

not sleeping well


LOVING:

seeing friends recently (H and S, plus C who I see all the time)

The Flight of the Conchords--brilliant! I haven't gotten to the "Bowie" episode yet but maybe today

tuna fish and crackers

the new Mariah Carey album---good stuff, a lot of songs are going to make their way into my "Workout mix"

Looking forward to wellness and the weekend...

Unplug.

I have much to write about:
career fairs,
screening interviews,
jobs,
the future,
car cleaning,
shoulder hurting,
bridesmaid dress ordering,
Jill Scott's first album (and 2nd and 3rd),
having to drive soon down from my vacation cabin (in a few weekends with a friend) to be interviewed for 15 minutes,
eye twitching,
bonus stipends,
artistic ideas,
and movies.
But I am very tired tonight and need to unwind, unplug, and recharge. After some good brew and good bathing, plus Law and Order: CI watching, I'll be new again.
Don't forget to rest and do some self-care yourself, Reader!

JAY-Z AND BEYONCE!!!

http://music.msn.com/music/article.aspx?news=307776&GT1=BUZZ1

(yes, this is rather cheesy but these are two of my favorite entertainers so i feel i should share the news with everyone. although, now i have to fight iman and beyonce for my boys?!?)