Looking forward.

Next year:

I want to be fit and healthy again.

I want to travel and visit friends who are far from me.

I want to make fabulous artistic creations.

I want to live passionately and completely.

I want to teach and feel purposeful.

I want to be so happy the joy drips from my ears and glows all around me.

I want to save money, move out and feel like an adult again (or maybe even for the first time).

I want to share laughter, stories, and ideas with my remarkable friends.

I want to taste some excellent red wine.

I want to learn and then learn some more.

I want to never look back.

From Rob Brezsny's horoscope:

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): I meditated on the perfect holiday gift for you. What might inspire you to be in closest alignment with the cosmic currents in 2008? I decided that if I could, I'd buy you a costume shop. That way you could try on a thousand different masks and disguises. And that would put you in the proper frame of mind for the assignment I hope you will carry out all year long, which is to play with your identity and experiment with new self-images and maybe even treat your life as an epic theatrical extravaganza.

For the next two weeks or so...

I wish you, as Ren and Stimpy used to sing, "Happy Happy Joy Joy!" (or "It's LOG, LOG, it's better than great, it's good!) Merry Holidays and Happy New Year! See you in 08! (8 is my lucky number.)

I'm siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick!

It is common knowledge around these parts that I am practically unbearable when I have a cold. Major illnesses or afflictions render me gentler and more slower moving but a cold makes me awful. First, there is the repeating of "I'm going to die." For some reason I have always been convinced that I would be the first person on record to die of a cold. This hasn't proven true yet, but give it time. Second, I become rather whiny. As if the complaining of my impending death wasn't enough, I start to find fault with nearly everything in the world. Television shows that once made me giggle are now "immature or totally dumb." Nothing pleases me. Finally, a cold might give me a slight indication of what pregnancy would be like in terms of appetite. With a cold, I suddenly desire strange concoctions or very specific delicacies. Like "oriental flavored" Top Ramen or cream cheese on dark rye toast. Or the favorite of sick Hillarys everywhere, chicken and stars soup.

Should you find yourself in my company during one of these horrible battles of the immune system, it is best to move carefully. Bring a magazine and tissue, pop in "The Dancing Princesses" from the Faerie Tale Theater collection and exit with your back to the door. Trust me, it's just safer.

It's really quite crippling...

My panic attacks and anxiety has returned. For some time, I did not have the lovely sensation that my heart was going to burst out of my chest. Just recently has this affliction appeared. I missed a friend's performance on Sunday, spent most of Monday in a fog, and last night did not sleep except for maybe a few hours. I don't understand it. Since I've had these issues for a while, I have amassed a pretty big bag of tricks for fighting the attacks. But somehow that did not matter the other night. I've started walking again and listening to my equally emotional girl Fiona Apple helps. I just want this to go away.

Happy Birthday Jay-Z!

I absolutely adore you! Great last album as well. Love, HD-T.

It's all about the benjamins baby!

What is it about money and me that just doesn't click? It's like we have this decent relationship that I work so hard to make better but money doesn't understand me and we end up fighting. Money is like that well-meaning friend that keeps you out until 3 in the morning the night before a big test saying "You deserve to celebrate, you studied hard." Money is unreliable and fickle and no matter what I do to make him stay, he usually is gone in the morning. I am attempting to save and had succeeded in setting aside a small amount. But already, due to impending holidays, gas or even prescriptions, I find myself tapping into the sacred savings. This frustrates me since it feels like I am participating in a vicious cycle with the greenery. I want to change my financial future as well as just the simple request of being able to move out but I'm unsure if this will ever happen. Should I dump money or say "We need to talk"? The saga continues...

Foreign films and photos.

Sometimes I think that there is a wheel in my brain with all of my interests or obsessions written on it. And I give this wheel the occasional turn and the arrow lands on that word and that is what I am focused on. I think this because I seem to return to the same obsessions over and over again. Like films. I have been fascinated by foreign films for years now. I'll go threw these crazy spells where I rent like 5 of them at once with 8 on order from the library and then I just watch them for days. Then the fever will die down and I'll continue onto something else. But foreign films always returns. Same with photography. I absolutely am enthralled by photography but it seriously comes in waves. Take for instance this recent wave. I borrowed a magazine from a friend. Inside the editor's letter spot, they had included a list of female photographers. So I start thinking about photography again. And then I'm driving looking at the sights like possible photographs which makes me think about black and white film, which makes me think about foreign films and then I realize the wheel has begun turning again. It really is quite remarkable.

Thank you

For crisp clean autumn air.

For falling leaves.

For terrific pals and a loving family.

For clam chowder, jersey sheets, and tea.

For second chances and growing.

For laughing, crying, and feeling everything.

For my hands, health, and hair.

For this day and every day after.

For my amazing life.

Some different views of love.