Oh well. Life got busy.

maybe next year...

I'll post every day in November.

But no regrets this year.

My life is beautiful but busy.

I've been searching for a heart of gold.

A lot of things don't make sense right now.

Someone I love dearly, my grandmother, is in severe pain and I don't feel much like writing or doing a lot of other things.

It just seems like every moment is very precious.

And that not much else matters.

Plus, it gets dark so soon, I'm lonely, and work hasn't been that easy.

But I'm complaining and there is no room for that right now.

I love this picture.

Have a good night and I hope this isn't too sad. I'm down right now but will be back up, soon.

These shoes.

These shoes are magic.

These shoes helped me lose twenty pounds.

These shoes gave me leg muscles that would make Lance Armstrong cry.

These shoes have walked many miles on both land and treadmill.

These shoes my mother bought for me from the store our friends' used to manage.

These shoes have little breast cancer awareness ribbons stitched into the tongue of the shoe.

These shoes almost went to Europe but then understood that they would be "too dorky American touristy" to cut it.

These shoes have now been retired but their service will never be forgotten.

I held onto this longer than the friendship.

I had a dream about the girl who gave this to me, let's just call her E, last night and we were at the wedding of a mutual friend, which in real life we should have been but I got sick and didn't go. In the dream, she asked if I still had all the stuff I got on my 25th birthday which included this jar and I told her that most of it, I didn't know where it was but that I had kept this jar at my parents' house for years and finally gave it away. (All true.) And she didn't seem upset or anything in the dream, just kind of like "Okay."

And so I decided to write about this jar next.

It has the quote, "Joy is not in things, it is in us." On the bottom, she painted "Happy Birthday, Hillary."

That was one of the best birthdays ever.

My favorite people, these four girls who lived at the Cedar House (dubbed that due to its location) threw me a surprise gathering with all our friends and there was a huge potluck. I had to take my dj test that night, so before the test, I went over to their house and had dinner, was surprised, then went to take my test.

All the while, we listened to our college radio station since my best friend was playing all David Bowie for me. I had a tape of his show for the longest time. After my test, I went up to the cafe and there was another surprise. Those lovely Cedar girls had brought a cake and everyone, studiers and all, sang "Happy Birthday" to me.

I loved that day.

What is bittersweet about the whole thing is that I only still know/keep in touch with one of the Cedar girls and I don't really think anyone else I was with that day.

The memory remains good and happy though, even if I did give away the jar.

If you continue, go to page 27. If you go back, go to page 8.

Remember the "Choose Your Own Adventure" books?

They had interactive stories that the reader would decide every so many pages.

Like there was one I read about a unicorn or something and one of the first decisions was whether or not to help the troll. If you didn't want to you turned to page 3 where the story ended but if you did you turned to page 5 where you ended up going somewhere and later making more choices.

Some of these stories were rather scary and the death of your character was just around the next corner. As a child, I'd sometimes look for the ending I wanted and try to work my way backwards to figure out how to get there.

I read lots of these when I was younger and recently came across a "free box" of books. Free is one of my top ten favorite words. So of course, I dug through the book and ended up with an armload of books including some more "Choose Your Own Adventure."

I read them and realized that while I absolutely love this series. I don't really need to hang onto any more.

I'm now choosing my own adventure everyday! (How's that for a good wrap up?)

Reckless Spending.

I LOVE music. If you wanted proof, I could go on and on about how I used to keep time to the dishwasher with pots and pans as a child, about how I can recognize a lot of songs within a few beats, about how I was a dj, about how I love making mix cds/tapes/pick your format, and about all the other ways music influences, feeds, breathes, and invades my life. Trust me, I LOVE music. So, you'd probably think that I have tons of cds in piles all around my room. Yes, I do own a great many, have a great many on hold at the library and will eventually purchase a great many. But, I have also given away or let go of a great many. I justify this action with the following points.

1. Some cds are awful.--I used to have a three song rule. Meaning once you love three singles or at least three songs, you can buy said album even if it is by one of your eternals. (Eternals: musicians or bands that you "know you will love forever.") This is silly since some artists change and not in ways that you necessarily like. For instance, I love the whole "single gal, trying to take on the world stuff" since that is where I am right now but not the whole "I'm married and in love stuff." Therefore no matter who it is, three songs is not enough.

2. Certain albums will end up being tied to a specific time, moment or person. --I can't listen to some Led Zeppelin cause it reminds me of the one that got away. I can't listen to the Smiths too much since I think of a mortal enemy. You get the picture.

3. Sometimes, no matter how many people like it, if you don't, you never will.--How many people have done something because so and so thought it was cool? How many of you have bought an album because your best friend, Rolling Stone magazine, or even David Bowie thought it was cool? Yeah, okay, they ain't you. Follow your heart and buy what you like. Not what you think you SHOULD like.

I could write more but let's stop here. Let me sum this up by writing that like our government, I too have do some reckless spending. I'll try to reform my ways.

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Change is in the air....

Not much to say, it is election night....I'm so excited. Hopefully you voted. Less than an hour and the Washington polls close!

Democracy is a wonderful thing.

Francesca Lia Block

I think I first discovered the author Francesca Lia Block during college. Although it might have been near the end of high school. I read her fabulous book "Weetzie Bat" of an outsider who has an amazing life and wonderful adventures. That is totally paraphrasing it, so you should check it out for yourself. Then, by chance, while visiting a friend in Portland, we went to Powell's books and she was there giving a reading! She had released all the "Weetzie Bat" books as one collected work and this tour was to promote that. I sat down, in awe of this women not only for her own magical work but also since she had interviewed Tori Amos once. She read the breathtakingly beautiful passage about soul mates from the book "Witch Baby." I seriously had to wipe away tears. It talked about loving someone and not being able to be with them but your souls had already gotten married so you still had this connection. Once again, read it for yourself. I have the collection, titled "Dangerous Angels." And what makes Block an amazing author, as proven in this big book, is that she isn't afraid to face tough issues in a lyrical, fairy tale, magical way. The stories deal with coming to terms with being gay, drug abuse, physical abuse, and the basic loneliness we all feel sometimes. These three books shown in the picture, I am letting go. Not because I don't love them. But because I read them once, and in the case of one of them never, and they didn't marry my soul like her previous stories. I know that doesn't belittle how much I admire Francesca Lia Block, I will and have continued to read her stories. But like Witch Baby learned, sometimes it just isn't meant to be.

Grandpa's monkey

If you read the previous post, you know what the theme is for this month, as I try to post something everyday.

When my grandfather died, gosh I guess it has almost been two years now, my grandmother went through a lot of their stuff since she had decided to move to a smaller place. All of us relatives helped out and one day, in their garage, I discovered this monkey. He is made out of wood and his arms and legs move. It was very strange to find him among my grandfather's work area. My grandpa was sweet and called me and my mom "Tweety" but he also was a rather quiet and serious man. I imagine that he hangs out with Johnny Cash in heaven, since they both were very devoted to God but had had their own personal demons to deal with in life. That day that we helped clean out the garage, I grabbed this monkey along with a few other things in order I think to grab onto some piece of my grandfather. Perhaps, the pieces I didn't know that well. The monkey has stayed on my bookshelf keeping my childrens' books company. It seemed like a whimsical and logical choice but while I was cleaning the other day, I realized that this monkey doesn't really symbolize my grandfather to me. Who knows where Grandpa even got it? Maybe it was in his garage since he wanted to get rid of it too? The memories I have of my grandfather are strong and if I ever miss him too terribly, I do have his boots. His boots that I have always loved and have very early memories as a child of seeing him wear those boots. Those boots I will never give away. But monkey, good bye.

The 30 day challenge and possible themes.

http://www.nablopomo.com/

So I joined the national blog post month organization today.

The idea is to make a post everyday during that month. I think this will be a good structured way of making sure I devote time to my blog as well as my art as well as my life ( in order to make the posts more interesting).
I was thinking that perhaps the month should have a theme. But I am having trouble deciding.

One goal I've made is to work out or be active for 30 days but who wants to keep reading about Gymrat McFitter and her barbell brain all the time? Not me.

The other idea I had was to focus on taking a picture everyday with my new camera and writing about that. Done before, yes but could be interesting for a while.Until all the pictures end up being erratic or just taken to take a picture.

My last idea for a possible theme was more material/sentimental. Yesterday I rearranged my bedroom and really went through a lot of the stuff I've accumulated. I do this quite often and keep the nearest Goodwill in business. Once again I was thinking of giving away a lot and even have some possible re-gifts to give this Christmas. But would it be fascinating to write about each of the items I'm letting go? You know, where they came from, what they did for me, the experiences behind or with that item...I'm thinking I could take a picture of each and each day a new item would have its story shared. It fits very much into the Keri Smith "How to be an Explorer of the World" collecting/exhibiting idea.

Yes, I think I have a winner.