Isn't our world so fascinating?

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I'm constantly learning about this strange world of ours and it makes me love life even more. Had to share this since I never knew about this...

I can do anything.

Although I may come across as a sort of free spirited/fly by night type of gal, in all honesty I love control and predictability. As a sub, you don't get this too often. Case in point: Today's assignment.

I had signed up for a 2nd grade class that I had been in once before. I arrived on time, got the attendance stuff and went to the classroom. Ten minutes later (I won't make a comment about the "regular" teacher being late.) the teacher whose room it is comes in with a sort of "what the hell are you doing?" look and says, "I don't have a sub today."

First of all, nice attitude.
Second, don't leave someone else to do your cancelling.

After some discussion, it is apparent what happened and the woman goes down to the office to see if I am needed elsewhere,etc. When I get there, they ask the words I never like to hear, "How do you feel about 6th grade?"

How do I feel? I hate it! I hated it when I was in 6th grade. Every experience with 6th graders since has been horrible. I want to scream, cry, and swear...but instead I say, "You know, I really don't like it, am not good at it, but I'll give it a shot."

Luckily this school has like a dean of students or what a vice-principal would be in a middle school. She was awesome. She gave me some tips, said she'd come by, and other words of encouragement.

And you all know how this story ends. They were a great bunch of kids, we had fun, I survived and even enjoyed myself at points. Although I did end up sending two kids to the next door classroom for a few minutes (due to attitude, I can't stand attitude.), the class was really well behaved and earned some time outside at the end of the day. Now, I know this is not a typical 6th grade but I felt like I had conquered the world. I really needed this small victory to see that I am capable of so much more than I realize. I am stronger, braver, and tougher than I ever knew. And more importantly, tougher, braver, and stronger than I look!

Where do you go to my lovely?

This morning, just a few minutes ago, while checking for available substitute jobs, I realized that there are only ten more days in May. And while May has never been on my top ten list of favorite months (allergies tend to start now), I was distressed.

Where does the time go? Seriously!

I'm trying to recall everything I have done in the last twenty days, the particular sensations felt or adventures had and I can't!
I want to be aware and always enjoying the moments. And this shock at time's passing reminds me again to really be there in the present.

Maybe I need to start writing everything down, recording the mundane as well as the sublime.

This brings up the next logical question.

When will they open the HDT Museum of Unnatural History to house all my relics? Ooh, maybe there could be a whole wing devoted to May's passing?!?

I'm drunk with power.

This is a list of sentences I made some 5th graders write today since they talked too much during math. Normally they have to write each sentence 100 times but I just made them write each once and then add another sentence of their own creation.

1. Miss Thoren is a crazy old lady who makes us write sentences when we talk too much.

2. We could not prove her wrong. (I told them to "prove me wrong and not end up writing sentences").

3. We irritated her and she got revenge.

4. Even though we are in 5th grade, we cannot be quiet when a teacher asks.

5. Miss Thoren is a beautiful, smart, and excellent teacher.

6. I should buy her a present.

7. (This was their own sentence. I got things like "I should listen to Miss Thoren." Or "I'm sorry I talked so much." etc,etc.)

Yes, this was silly and yes I wasn't really that concerned with the talking. But I had threatened.
And when I threaten, I mean it. They loved it in the end...plus they ended up with an extra recess so don't feel bad for them!

Some old/new things I love right now.

1. Weezer---I love, love, love their first two albums. Plus their new single "Pork and Beans" is awesome.
"I'ma do the things I want to do, I ain't got a thing to prove to you...I ain't gonna wear the clothes you that you like, I'm fine and dandy with the me inside."

2."Franny and Zooey."---what a terrific book! I actually borrowed this from an ex-boyfriend and kept it. When I first read it I totally related to Franny (with her slight breakdown and inept boyfriend) and now I think I relate more to Zooey (sassy, in the bathtub for a long time). But the whole thing is great. Hands down, my favorite Salinger book.

3.Sharpening pencils---yes, this is weird but somehow very therapeutic. I think I spend too much time with K-3 graders, they are notoriously obsessed with sharp pencils.

4. Duffy and Estelle---Duffy is a Welsh singer who will be compared to Amy Winehouse undoubtly but who is amazing and has her own "old soul sound." I love her album. I got it just yesterday and am listening to it non-stop. Yes, it is in Starbucks but she is definitely worth checking out. Estelle is a British hip-hop/soul singer that John Legend discovered or signed or something. She is awesome and raps in a British accent. "If I wanted to be part time, I'd work at the checkout counter."

5. Maps---I have always been fascinated by maps, atlases, globes, etc. I have the pocket world atlas by my bed and have been looking up different places at night before I go to bed. (Those who know me will recall the dictionary in the bathroom at one of my apartments for looking up words while in the bathtub.) My most recent search : New Zealand, since I was watching "Flight of the Conchords."

These are the things that are filling my world right now. Along with Columbo episodes on dvd, tea, squirrely children at my sub jobs, and the smell of spring in the air.

A reminder.

I saw this sign on the way to dropping my brother off at work. On my way back home, I pulled over and took this picture. I think it's great.

Nothing cute about it.

I felt really weird on Sunday. My anxiety was out of wack, my behavior was strange and I was super tired. I hadn't been sleeping well for a few days. I was so concerned with myself that I cancelled my job for Monday and went to the doctor instead. I had "acute stress exhaustion." I was given a sleep aid and told to take the next couple days off. Plus to come back in about two weeks.

I was just glad it wasn't all in my head. I know that I am a sensitive sort and that makes for good art but too much and I start to go cuckoo.

So, once again, I'm making some changes. I only drink one of coffee a day, so I'll stick with that. I'm staying away from wine,spirits,etc. for a couple months. I'm going to do more art, writing, photography. Keep up the exercise. I'm just taking it easy.

I'm also simplifying my life. Letting go of some physical and mental clutter. I write this entry to not only make myself feel a bit better but also to let others know that is okay to slow down and breathe. That it is very easy to become overwhelmed. And nobody understands that better than me. Take care of yourselves.