And then, the other shoe drops...

Yesterday was another substitute job. This time in a different district and in a 3rd grade class I had been to once before. Apparently, even though I was there only a half day, the students spoke highly of me and asked their teacher for me to return. I thought they had hated me and the day was unsuccessful. I guess I don't know anything!

This time I was going to be teaching all day and although the teacher has several systems in place for behavior, consequences and rewards, I brought some extra tricks. See, this is a tough class. When the other teachers say that there are some challenges, it is true. Not necessarily because of the students themselves but rather because of everything that goes on in their lives. Their homes ain't so pretty and this carries into how they behave at school.

Sidebar: I have always had a relatively wonderful home life. But my friends haven't. This makes me very sensitive to those whose homes are different than mine. I am always trying to be understanding and reach out.

Sidebar 2: I actually don't like girls. I know I am one but they can be really evil, petty, manipulative and stupid.

Back to the class. The day was mostly okay. I made a word search of their names and promised that as a free time activity if we got everything else done. I also used some of her systems and added that if they treated me well this would benefit what they already had going. And like the fifth graders before, we had fun. I even invented the "music clean up game." I think I stole this from Mary Poppins but when I sense that the kids really need a break or some movement, I play this. I turn on music and as long as they hear the music they have to run around picking up stuff, moving, dancing, whatever, until the music stops. They love it.

So things started to go well until X (those of you who know the story will find it funny that her real name starts with X) started giving me attitude. She had been catty the last time I was here and today had been decent until the afternoon. I cannot stand mean girls. I had the students take out paper and said that once everyone was quiet I would explain what we'd be doing. She says, "I BET IT'S BORING!" I wanted to slap her. It got worse. I won't go into too much detail but eventually I heard that she had called me "an ugly b-word" according to another student. Now the last time I dealt with this kind of garbage was in Middle School and it wasn't even directed at me. I pulled her aside outside the class before Music and she kinda caved, I could see that there was a human underneath the cold attitude. Luckily, her teacher even called during Music and we chatted. Maybe stuff is going on at home the teacher thought. This made me come back down to the teacher Hillary side and not the attacked girl Hillary front I had going. (Don't tell anyone but I had thought of pushing over her desk! I know but I was really upset.)

I realized that this just happens. That I didn't know her well enough to approach her and have a heart to heart. I hadn't earned that trust yet. And that bugged me. I want to earn trust, I want to be more than just the lady of the day bossing people around. I want to be some one's "teacher." Not the "sub." It is hard to realize this since when I was relaying this story to a friend over Thai food I was funny, calm. And then driving home, I realized "Hey! I am affected."

And yet, they have no idea how much they mean to us.